Three Times Tenar Thought of Ged
by symphonycirrus
Summary: Three peeks into Tenar's life on Gont between "Tombs of Atuan" and "Tehanu".
1. Her Wedding Day

My first try at the Earthsea world. All silly errors are mine. All characters are the property of the fabulous Ursula K. LeGuin.

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Her wedding day.

Tenar stepped back and looked at herself in the mirror. The local girls paused a moment in their fussing as she examined her reflection. Her white dress had a simple elegance to it. A woven crown of white wild flowers had been placed on her head, from which white ribbons streamed down her flowing black hair. How unexpected that she would be dressed this way when just a few years ago, she expected to wear black and live in the dark to the end of her days. She was just "the devoured one" until Ged came.

Ged. It had been years since he'd left her at Re Albi with Ogion. Perhaps word had reached him of her plans to marry. Would he come? A piece of her wished he would. Even if it was just to chastise her for leaving her studies with Ogion. The wildest part of her imagination wanted him to show up and declare his love for her. This outrageous scenario was immediately dismissed by her more sensible part. Ged was a mage, off doing important things. He didn't have time to come to a farmer's wedding on Gont. Even if he did, he certainly wouldn't be telling her that he wanted to settle down with her. He had tasks to do, duties to perform.

However, her sensible part couldn't stop her eyes from scanning the faces in attendance at the town square. Even Ogion had made the trip down and sat in the row near Flint's family.

Flint. Her eyes rested on the man who was soon to be her husband. He was dressed nicely by Gontish standards, and stood stoically by the justice. He was a good man. He worked hard. He was not angry or violent. He would provide for her and for any children they had. As she reached him, he turned to take her hands, then back to the justice, who spoke a few words. Tenar drifted in and out of her thoughts until he said "If any know why these two should not be joined in marriage, let him speak now."

She involuntarily scanned the crowd for Ged's face until she landed on Ogion's. He gazed at her knowingly and gave the tiniest shake of his head. Ged didn't come. She forced her attention back to Flint. She was supposed to be happy. She was marrying this man. She was happy. She was happy. That's how she explained the pair of tears that leaked from her eyes as she was pronounced Flint's wife.

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	2. The Birth of Her First Child

The birth of her first child.

Another contraction was coming. She laid her head back and tried to stifle a cry of pain. As if morning vomiting and a ridiculously sized abdomen weren't punishment enough for pregnancy.

"You'll have to push again with the next one." the midwife instructed.

How could she push when it hurt so much? She just wanted to be out of this pain. She had been in labor for more than 10 hours now. The midwife and the town witch, Ivy, flitted about boiling water, giving instructions - she just wanted it to be done. For some inexplicable reason, she wanted Ged to be there. If he could take her hand and tell her that everything was going to be fine, then she'd believe it. She'd make it through this if he was there. But he wasn't. He was on Roke or off on an important adventure in the world of mages. What did he care about a farmer's wife giving birth?

She felt the next contraction and pushed as instructed, face contorted as she cried out.

"Good, Goha. One more."

Oh in the name of all things good, how could she last another? Sweat was pouring down her face. She could see the bloody rags the midwife was switching out for clean ones. What if she died here? As the next one came, she threw back her head and pushed, and in her mind she screamed Ged's name.

And then it was over.

"We've got her, Goha. It's a baby girl." The midwife wiped the infant down with warm wet cloths before bundling her and setting on Tenar's chest. It was then that Tenar looked at the most beautiful creature she had ever seen. Still breathing heavily, she barely noticed that Flint had come in. He had wanted a boy, but he didn't seem displeased with the girl as he held her.

It was several hours later, near midnight when the baby cried for a feeding. Tenar got out of bed, still sore, and scooped Apple out of her cradle. After nursing, Tenar walked her to the kitchen and paced back and forth. As the baby fell asleep, Tenar caught a glimpse of a large bird perched at the window, but at second glance, it had gone. She slipped back to the bedroom and put the baby back to bed before retiring herself.

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	3. The Death of Her Husband

The death of her husband

She stood aside as the men began shoveling dirt into Flint's grave. Apple stood beside her, while Spark remained out at sea somewhere, unaware of his father's passing. She looked down at her black dress and thought back to when she was Arha. This was the first time since then that she'd truly felt alone. First she'd had Ged, then Ogion, then Flint. She wondered if she would get used to the empty house every evening, and preparing dinner for one. It wasn't that she couldn't handle the house and farm on her own, she'd been responsible for all cleaning and cooking and washing since her wedding.

Tenar wondered if she should feel sadder about Flint's death. She would miss him, surely. He was her companion and lover for many years. But she didn't feel like she would if Ogion or Ged died. She glanced aside at her daughter. A tear trailed down Apple's cheek. Goha had no tears for Flint. Perhaps she had never really loved him. Perhaps he was just an acceptable substitute since the man she truly loved was unavailable. She forced this thought from her mind. The first few months at Re Albi she had cried silently every night for Ged to come back. She couldn't waste her time now dreaming of impossible things. She was Flint's wife, Flint's widow. The mother of his children, not Sparrowhawk's. As the burial finished, Apple took her by the hand. Tenar gave her daughter a small smile. She took comfort in the fact that Apple would always be there for her. She followed the young woman to her home, burying any thoughts of Ged in a hole as deep as Flint's grave.

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